Actually...as a son of a family

I find that my life is quite screwed up

The first thing that made me thought so was when

My mother called my HP to ask which class I was from

cos the security guard asked her

this is rather typical

it happens every Parent's Day

I know its a small thing

But it makes me feel disappointed

So it all started

I got a EBB, for Maths, Econs, and Physics, and C5 for GP.

And the first thing that caught my mother's attention was

the E

YES.

I know i got an E for CMaths again.

I know.

So

my mother began to nag

and began to tell Miss Yow(<--my form + GP tchr) abt my bad computer-playing habits

She told Miss Yow that I play at least 5hrs everyday

Actually

All I wanted my mother to understand was that

"Yes, I scored an E. For the test, it was 24/50. But do you know that I made a mistake in the 3rd question on Maclaurin's Expansion? I added a negative sign by mistake on my 2nd step, which caused the rest of my working to be wrong. If I got that question correct, I could have scored about 30/50 or more for my Maths, which is a B. 6 marks = 3 grades wor."

Perhaps if I had scored a 'B', it would make my mother happy cos my Maths always hovered around E last year, even the promos.

But my mother was so aggresive in her nagging that I din bother to defend myself, as usual.

Miss Yow asked me : "if you had cut down on yur playing, would you have scored better?"

I answered Yes. That's the truth actually.

Then, my father called my mother to ask which class I was from.

Few mins later, he arrived.

During that time, Miss Yow was talking to my mother about my GP.

I was looking at my grades.

68 - Physics

69 - Economics

I wished I could tell my mother that I could have gotten an 'A' for my Physics if I had written down the intermediate steps(cost me 2.5 marks from 3 questions) for solving a few questions which required equations - those of which i used the correct eqns and obtained the right ans.

No, I don't want to explain myself.

I just wanted to get that damn 'A' grade so my mother would stop nagging at me. The regret was so overwhelming -

I just wanted to prove myself to my parents that I can do it

I wanted to SCORE well

STOP comparing me with other ppl

I don't give an F abt how my cousins score AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

How many fucking A i dun care

Im only competing with myself - juz want to prove myself

why is it always so difficult

if i had scored 2 'A's instead of 2 'B', would my mother be convinced of my efforts?

Because 'B' doesn't SHINE! BUT THE 'E' GRADE SHINES BRIGHTLY!!!

SO BRIGHT THAT SHE CAN LOOK AT IT AND NAG NAG NAG NAG

finally my father came and took a seat

he flipped through my results and realised that my ranking for Econs was 7/407 out of the level

"his Econs is quite good" he said

my mother took no notice

I din feel so satisfied, cos i dun care how i fare as compared with other ppl

I regret making some of my mistakes when I looked at my Essay script. One more mark and I could have turned the 'B' into a shiny 'A' grade - and I already done my best for the MCQ.

I can't believe that during Parent's Day, my parents are still telling my form teacher that I've been spending too much time on my computer.

I can't believe that up till now they are still trying to solve this fundamental problem - and in fact, this is problem that doesn't really exist.

wtf. why say I never study for my common test sia.

It was a direct insult at my integrity.

tell me how the fuck can someone do well for econs and physics without studying.

and do i really play 5 hrs a day? if i fucking play 5 hrs a day I would have scored a nice FFF for everyone to see. including an F in GP as well.

and while i seemingly did not improve for my Maths, only I myself do know that there is improvement.

at that point in time, i suddenly felt that i was quite screwed.

last time, my father would defend me but after being separated for awhile he doesn't really know what i am doing at home nowadays, and believes my mother when she says im playing too much.

my mother also went on to say that I play so much that I skip my meals and sleep late at night.

BUT WHY DO I SLEEP LATE AT NIGHT?

DO I REALLY PLAY UNTIL 1 AM?

OR IS IT BECAUSE MY BROTHER BLASTS HIS SPEAKERS WITH ALL THE JESUS SONGS THAT IRRITATES ME AND I HAVE TO ACCOMODATE MY GRANDMA WHO LIKES TO WATCH THE NEWS AND THE LATE NIGHT SHOWS THAT I HAVE TO START STUDYING LATE AT NIGHT?

AND WHAT ABT THE PROMISE THAT MY ROOM'S AIR CON WILL BE FIXED? MY PAPERS WILL GET WET WITH ALL THE SWEAT

and WHY is my aircon spoilt? actually my uncle came down to check when i was alone at home when he heard that our aircon 'not cold', and he said that the main machine thingy that is placed outside the hse - the motor is weak. so it can only support 2 aircon running at one time. when i thought of that - i din use my air-con so my parents and my bro can use it. i never told my parents abt that

when i give way to others i always find myself holding on to the shorter end of the stick

why my parents dun ask me WHY am i behaving like this and solve the problems together?

WHY THEY DON'T EVEN LISTEN WHEN I TELL THEM WHY

Miss Yow then said "so zheng wen, would you promise me on behalf on yur parents to stop skipping meals and play less?"

I wished I could address the skipping meals problem.

Yes, i've been skipping meals, but that's LAST YEAR.

HOW DO THEY KNOW I'VE STOP SKIPPING MEALS IF THEY AREN'T EVEN AROUND TO SEE ME EATING ALONE AT THE FOOD COURTS WHEN THEY WORK WORK WORK WORK

DO I NEED TO CALL FOR A WITNESS

and would they believe me unless i show them a video of myself eating lunch and dinner in a food court everyday?

DOUBT SO.

so many thoughts were running through my mind that I didn't even pay attention to wad all the adults were talking about.

There is really no trust left

Right now

my parents can continue to believe that I play 5hrs a day everyday

FIVE HRS EVERYDAY FIVE HRS EVERYDAY FIVE HOURS EVERYDAY MY MOTHER CAN SAY IT NINE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TRILLION GODZILLION $*$!#^%LLION TIMES OVER AND OVER AGAIN

if only they could use rational thinking to wonder whether it is really possible when i have CCA and tuition

Yet the only way that remains to prove them wrong

is to try again

ever wondered how long I can last without family support

i want to strive for an AAB nx common test anyway

and when i thought of that

the fact that i need to do well to regain my parent's trust

i thought

THIS IS TOTALLY SCREWED UP!

it feels good to let go of the heat

i'll be fine

bai