well i had a bad day. it started 24 hrs ago when I had trouble falling asleep. Somehow, I was afraid of dying. A lot of thoughts went through my mind. Somehow, I just felt that there was a definite probability that I would not wake up in the morning, because my thoughts of consciousness and existence truly confused and clogged up my entire mind.

Also, three consecutive papers were staring in my face, which i have gotten over by now. I had time management problems for all three, and i remember during the 1st paper my mind would still randomly wander off into thinking of consciousness itself. I really don't understand why do these thoughts have to constantly invade me. For one, im not the smartest person out there, just an average guy - but i just fill myself with questions way beyond my own level of intellect. I should be more concerned with my present studies, which are far more manageable and actually yield results from time inputs.

My third paper was my core module. I left 2 parts of a question blank due to time constraints, which left me greatly distraught. At that time i really wondered what does it take out of me to distinguish myself from others? I self-destructed for 5mins while the papers were collected, feeling really really bad about it.

Fortunately, none of my tutorial mates and friends actually had enough time either. Nor did they think it was easy. Wait. Why did I say...fortunately?...

Throughout my entire life in NUS, I constantly wish that I would one day serve the country well as a economics graduate, and I really want to make an impact - I want to improve the lives of people. Recently, in the face of competition, I thought to myself that - Hey, well if I don't do well enough, someone better than me will rightfully replace me in the position that I seek, and that would be better for others. Yet intuitiively, as i walked out of the exam venue, I wished that everyone did badly. Why? I am truly confused. If you are one that genuinely wishes everyone good luck before u step into the exam hall and secretly hope that nobody did well after walking out, you are probably confused too.

Well the final thing to end a bad day was sink my fingers into the blades of newly bought shavers carelessly left in my bag when I reached for my keys. Blood was dripping on the floors everywhere but oh well. Im fine now. It was gross while it lasted though. Im more concerned that my writing speed wouldn't be affected cos I've 2 more papers to go.

Well for the previous post on consciousness, if you hadn't read it, then there's no need to because after some feedback I realised it was probably too complicated. If you're still interested to think about it, here's a simplified version:

I die, and scientists gather every single scientific data on me right down to the atomic level, including brain matter, DNA and all that good stuff. 200 years later, with advancements in technology and scientists extract that data to recreate me from the atomic level, right from scratch. Assuming that's possible, is that recreation me? Is the consciousness that exists within that recreation the same consciousness that I have?

I've asked that question to several friends, even my dad. Most are compelled to say 'No', which kind of surprises me. Why not?

Now clear your mind and think of another case I thought about, which is probably simpler. There are 2 huge containers linked to one another. Scientist transfer my body from container A to container B, atom by atom, but at the smallest physical time interval possible, so it doesn't take forever to complete. When im transfered from container A to B, am I still the same person?

If you said 'No' again, you probably are consistent in your thoughts for both scenarios. What, then, is our consciousness made up of, if it does not exist at the atomic level? Probably nothing! So its not a physical object, because if it were to be, then it should be transferable through space and time. Its... mysterious.

I then considered a third scenario where two perfectly identical eggs, down to the atomic level, are fertilised by perfectly identical sperms at the same time, under the same conditions.

Oh damn, before I get overly excited, a bulb just lighted in my head! Could the answer be SPACETIME? Man, I could spend the next few days thinking about this! Amazing. Because no two objects can ever exist in the same spacetime, even though how identical they could ever be. That makes us unique! And the uniqueness of consciousness could be explained by that!

So even though the atomically identical sperm and egg grow into human beings, they are still different, because they existed in different spacetime! How often does this happen. Inspiring myself in a blog entry.

Ah...well. Guess i've written too much. Its bed time.

Do tell me what you think about consciousness if you please. Could the answer be 'yes?' the same person? That would suggest that religious views of reincarnations and the transition to heaven and hell wouldn't exist, because our consciousness cannot be at two places at one time, but its probably not impossible afterall, just controversial.