im in a really tough spot right now.

i can't sleep, im in the midst of my exams this week, and i did really badly for the first exam this afternoon. my mind just blanked out during the exam, i panicked, and my mind kept wandering around, i lost focus, i lost it. i totally lost it.

i feel stressed, and i feel as though i've never felt like this or admitted myself to be like that before. i used to be able to deal with things just like that. but today...it feels really dark for me right now. I feel like as though i've expected too much from myself... and i crumbled when i didn't meet my own expectations. im so proud of myself sometimes. i feel as though i've overestimated myself.

the recent events that leads up to the GE are also making me feel quite distraught. i try to steer away from talking politics with my friends because it can lead to heated arguments that are subjective, biased, and its just pointless to dent a solid friendship just to make a point.

i feel disappointed. i don't understand why most of my friends are making fun of potential MPs, laughing at candidates, insulting them, posting smalltalk about people, and sharing notes or videos that are biased and subjective without facts to back them up. its childish. i always thought i had friends better than that.

i don't even know why should i be feeling sad about this. but i just do. i always thought we were rational. we would be sitting down, reading the manifestos of every single party, questioning their policies, things like the efficiency vs credibility and diversity of having a two-party parliament, the social costs and economical benefits of foreign labour, and the economic effects minimum wage. but no. nobody's really concerned with that. i really can't believe it. everyone's a skeptic.

even - and even if we don't care about the feasibility of the policies, at least steer away from the smalltalk. we are better than that.